Today I started my day at the soccer field, watching my boys play. I had an issue come up with one of his coaches that I felt needed to be addressed. I pulled her aside after the game and explained my concern, and it completely blew up in my face. It needed to be done, but she definitely didn't take what I was saying to be a "suggestion," but rather a direct attack on her character. Needless to say, I walked away crying because I felt like my voice wasn't heard and I had unintentionally hurt someone's feelings in the process. On the way to my car, I passed one of the coaches from the other team sitting in her car, who stopped me and asked if I was okay, and then she listened to my story. She gave me her phone number so we could get our kids together to play sometime. When I got in the car, Mark asked me if I saw her earlier in a wheelchair. I felt horrible about venting my sob story to her when, obviously, she was in a worse way than me. Later in the evening, I texted her to thank her for her kindness amidst her own trials. I ended up having a wonderful conversation with her about life and kids and trials and realized that this woman needs help right now.
Today solidified to me that sometimes Heavenly Father puts us in situations where we think we are meant to learn one lesson, but really He has a totally different plan. If I hadn't had that very unpleasant experience with Abel's coach, I would have missed the opportunity to get to know and serve a truly fabulous person. I could have wallowed in the lemons I felt life was dealing me, but because I was willing to move on and see the good in the situation, I was able to have a very sweet experience that will have a lasting effect on my life. Sometimes "when life gives you lemons," you purposely try to "make lemonade." Sometimes it sort of happens on its own. I think that sometimes that unexpected lemonade is the best kind.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Thoughts on Trials
Today while I was exercising (I have a lot of deep thoughts while I'm exercising), I was thinking about the pain and suffering that life sometimes brings with it. Throughout my life, there have been numerous times when I have felt alone or wronged or just plain miserable. During those times, I always found a way to blame others for the way I felt. If I couldn't, then I would find something that was wrong with me so I could blame it on that.
Later in life, I realized I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I sought out different kinds of therapy, all of which taught me that it's okay to be sad. It's okay to allow yourself to feel pain. You have to feel the pain in order to heal. And this is how I've lived for several years, and it has worked for me.
Today, however, I had this moment of clarity where I thought, "what if this is good, but it's the hard way?" I think it's perfectly fine to allow yourself to have emotions and to respect them, but sometimes that just hurts so much. I think that the most important thing I've learned from allowing myself to hurt is that I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to move on. I want to be in a place where when the storms of life are raging, I can be calm. I want to see life for what it is -- a huge testing ground where we can learn to focus on the things that really matter. I'm not saying I'll never get mad or never be hurt, but I'm going to change the way I respond, because my response is really all I can control. So, when these rough times happen, I'm going to start thinking of these trials as a test from Heavenly Father. How do I want Him to see me react? I think that's what will bring me peaceful days and a lot more love in my heart.
Later in life, I realized I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I sought out different kinds of therapy, all of which taught me that it's okay to be sad. It's okay to allow yourself to feel pain. You have to feel the pain in order to heal. And this is how I've lived for several years, and it has worked for me.
Today, however, I had this moment of clarity where I thought, "what if this is good, but it's the hard way?" I think it's perfectly fine to allow yourself to have emotions and to respect them, but sometimes that just hurts so much. I think that the most important thing I've learned from allowing myself to hurt is that I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to move on. I want to be in a place where when the storms of life are raging, I can be calm. I want to see life for what it is -- a huge testing ground where we can learn to focus on the things that really matter. I'm not saying I'll never get mad or never be hurt, but I'm going to change the way I respond, because my response is really all I can control. So, when these rough times happen, I'm going to start thinking of these trials as a test from Heavenly Father. How do I want Him to see me react? I think that's what will bring me peaceful days and a lot more love in my heart.
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Perspective Makeover
Today I started listening to a seminar called "Becoming Spiritually Centered" by Jim Cox. At the beginning, he talks about doing things in life for the spiritual reasons -- not the temporal.
This made me think about a relationship in my life that I have been struggling with for some time. A little background: About 8 months ago I began a journey to a healthier me. I needed to lose 100 pounds and I was worried about the future health of my husband and children. Around me, there were others who were also losing weight, and I found a true camaraderie with these women. One in particular has been a wonderful support for me. Lately, however, I've realized that it's more of a competition...for me anyway. I find myself always comparing my weight loss or workout times or waist size or even (shamefully) Facebook posts to this woman. It is taking all the joy out of my journey. Sunday has become a fashion show and I've gotten used to her looking me up and down, and sometimes I think I look forward to it just so I can show off that week's progress. To date, I've lost 54 pounds and that is nothing to sneeze at. I want to do this so I can be healthy, and so I can show Heavenly Father that I respect this fabulous body he has given me. I want to celebrate her journey just like I want her to celebrate mine. No more comparisons. No more bitter feelings. Just love.
This made me think about a relationship in my life that I have been struggling with for some time. A little background: About 8 months ago I began a journey to a healthier me. I needed to lose 100 pounds and I was worried about the future health of my husband and children. Around me, there were others who were also losing weight, and I found a true camaraderie with these women. One in particular has been a wonderful support for me. Lately, however, I've realized that it's more of a competition...for me anyway. I find myself always comparing my weight loss or workout times or waist size or even (shamefully) Facebook posts to this woman. It is taking all the joy out of my journey. Sunday has become a fashion show and I've gotten used to her looking me up and down, and sometimes I think I look forward to it just so I can show off that week's progress. To date, I've lost 54 pounds and that is nothing to sneeze at. I want to do this so I can be healthy, and so I can show Heavenly Father that I respect this fabulous body he has given me. I want to celebrate her journey just like I want her to celebrate mine. No more comparisons. No more bitter feelings. Just love.
Footprints in my Gut
For months now, my two youngest children have not let me sleep at night. They crawl in bed with me and kick me in the stomach all night. Last night, when I woke up to find Cecilia standing next to my bed, staring at me, I had the thought, "someday this will end." So I pulled her up in bed with me, again, and settled in for a long night of protecting my gut from her little feet. Someday she'll be grown and she won't want to sleep with me anymore, so for now I'm going to cherish our late-night battles over my pillow. 
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